Embarrassing office moment.

I always answer the phone "Good afternoon, Hanover. This is Amy," (or "Good morning..."-- guh.) I just answered the phone and I could hardly talk b/c I needed to clear my throat. All that came out was "Good aft" and even that was hard to understand. So I cleared my throat and tried to talk fast b/c this person was still waiting for me to answer the phone so I said "Good afternoon" then I forgot what I was supposed to say! So, I ended up saying: "Good afternoon, this is Amy. How are you?" Ha. I felt like an idiot. Luckily it was some guy that wasn't even paying attention to what I said. I know this because he didn't tell me how he was.

You punch in at 8:30 every morning, except you punch in at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it's a Monday, then you punch in at 8 o'clock. Punch in late and they dock you. Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher and they dock you. Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher and they dock you! 6787049A/6. That is your employee number. It will not be repeated! Without your employee number you cannot get your paycheck. Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong and they dock you! This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand, is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint and they dock you!

Kif, we have a conundrum.

You know what irks me? When people call here and want to leave a message for someone-- and when I ask for their number they just say it as fast as they can, without pausing! Then you have to ask them to repeat it and they say it at the same speed, so maybe the 2nd time you catch the prefix-- THEN you have to repeat the prefix back real slowly like an idiot so maybe they'll give you the rest of the number in a normal speed. Yeah, that really gets my goat. Then you wonder if they would have been surprised if you had actually got it the first time.

"Can I have your number?"
"its9796664565"
"Ok, I'll have him call you."
"Don't you need my number?"
"Got it."
"How?"
"You told me."
"Yeah, but I was talking in super speed."

There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.

So let me tell you, today I am way hyper. I really feel like going outside and jumping in rain puddles, that is to say if there actually were any rain puddles, which there are not-- well, not yet anyway. Anyhow, I don't think I will go jump in "fake rain puddles" b/c you know, the people I work with my start to think I'm missing a few things up there, ya know? So instead I am going to try and unleash all of this bore-powered hyperactivity in this here bloggy-blog. Do you feel it? Is my intense energy making you feel bombarded? So I have a little "Nemo" on my desk that my roommate Pidge bought for me, well she's not my roommate anymore. Jeremy's my roommate, I guess, although, I've never called him that. I usually call him my "husband" or my "sboocy", whoa, of course I mean "scooby." Anyhow, she bought me this little Nemo action figure, see? Well, he's not really an action figure, now is he. I mean he's a fish. Not a very action-packed animal, ya know? Not only is he a fish, but he's a gimp fish. Dose ar da worst. So anyhow, i have this non-action-figure "Nemo" which my non-roommate gave me and I'm trying to tell you this b/c I always have him sitting on my desk. He is always just sitting there, well, laying there, looking up at me. Anyhow, I started getting bored with his orange face and his little smirk-- I felt he could use a little spicing up, ya know? So I decide, what's more exciting then pirates?! ARRGH! Nothing be funnier than pirates. So I made him a patch. So now he's The Dread Pirate Nemo. So you just witnessed what happens when a hyper girl, that is to say, one Amy Butler gets way hyper then decides to type whatever comes into her head. Don't hate me.

Meatwad get the hunnies, G.

Do you ever wake up with a song in your head, and you're not really sure how it got there? I woke up this morning with the Pinky and the Brain theme song in my head. That is pretty random seeing as how i haven't seen that show in several years. But now I have another song in my head.... and it goes a little something like this:

"MY NAME IS.......Shakezula, the mic rula, the old schoola".

The worst part is that's all I know of the song. Don't you hate that? Why can't I get a song in my head which I know all the lyrics too? Grrrrr. Maybe I should make a list of songs that have "sticking potential" and learn the lyrics. I'll start with "Do you know the way to San Jose" and work may way up from there.

Oh, that's not so much.

I found the following quote on the Dubble Bubble website (yes, my job is boring.) "One time my mom bought a tub of Dubble Bubble and I dared my sister to put a lot in her mouth. Well I did not think this would happen but she put 24 pieces in her mouth!!!!! That's what I call a lot of gum!!"

Phyphh. Amateur.

Chunkage contained.

Let me tell you something, folks. You never know how stupid you can be, until you have 28 pieces of gum in your mouth.

On Saturday night, Jeremy and I went over to my old duplex where some of our friends were hanging out. Shortly after we arrived, my friend's fiance told me that he had earlier put 10 pieces of Super Bubble gum in his mouth. With what was meant to be mere friendly banter, I said "Man, my mouth is so big, I could probably fit a lot more than 10 in there." The next thing I know, his fiance was counting his wrappers and Jeremy was counting my wrappers. See, when I agreed to this competition, I was thinking "Yeah, I can fit a bunch of gum in mouth," but I didn't really think of all the sugar that was attached. So by the time I got to about Super Bubble #20, I was feeling pretty sick. But I could not let him win. I would not let him win. Trust me. He's just one of those guys you don't want to lose to. You know the type. Anyhow, everyone was expecting me to lose b/c I looked so sick and my opponent looked like he was only on #5. Then all of a sudden he forfeited and went home because he felt so sick. At this point I was feeling pretty good about myself. I had won. Then I realized that I just won at being an idiot. After about fifteen minutes, I was feeling pretty sick as well, and had to get Jeremy to take me home. I didn't throw up, and that's the important thing... I guess.

Also writes on fax and carbonless papers.

Well, it's been a while since I last blogged, and for that I'm sorry. I know that my blogs are the very reason you get on the internet. To quote the lovely Jean Hagen: "If we bring a little joy into your humdrum lives, it makes us feel as though our hard work ain't been in vain for nothin'."

You know what's not fun? Work. It's especially not fun when you have to spend hours highlighting various lines on 60 different papers. See, that's the life of a secretary. You spend countless hours on those jobs that are so annoying that no one in their right mind would want to do. I was working at A&M once and I had this job where I had to send out about 3,000 surveys. The first thing I had to do was NUMBER the surveys. Then I would have to make labels for all of those surveys. Then I would have to stuff envelopes with the surveys and letters. Then I would have to go through and seal all of the envelopes. Actually, looking back on that job, highlighting 60 papers isn't so bad. In fact, it's fun. I guess you could say it's the "highlight" of my day. Wocka, wocka. (I had to do it, Jeremy.)

"Sendin' out an S.O.S."

Haha. That's what my boss was walking around singing yesterday. Oh man, he's cute. Cute in a hickish, big ol' teddy bear kind of way. He's the one that when I first started working here wanted me to update his Rolodex. When he brought it to me, it was this large round Rolodex-- that he had made eyes, a nose and a mouth for using file labels. He calls him "Rolo." If you can't see the adorableness in that then... I pity you.

Friday is the most exciting day of the week for me. You'd think it would be Saturday but you would be wrong, wouldn't you? Friday brings the glorious hope of the weekend. Ah yes, the weekend.

Voltaire? Hair?

Welcome to Hello Please, where a clever thought makes a good blog, and a stupid thought makes an even better blog.

I can't believe I didn't tell you about my grasshopper incident. I don't care what you've experienced: There's nothing scarier than a grasshopper down your shirt. Jeremy and I were at Trent and Sara's and I felt something-- it kind of tickled. I thought it was a string from my blouse and I looked down my shirt-- and there he was- a little grasshopper, looking up at me all innocent like. I started squealing as quietly as possible (because Sara and Gus were sleeping) and then threw my shirt off as fast as I could. It's bad enough when a grasshopper jumps on your leg-- or he's in your car and you're afraid he's gonna jump on you-- but jumping down your shirt? That's a wee bit personal. Well, he's dead now.

Man, I was so tired during my shower this morning, that I forgot to put conditioner in my hair! I didn't realize it until I was brushing my hair-- and I couldn't brush it. Much too tangly. Anyhow, my hair don't look so great today. Maybe I can get it right tomorrow morning. Aren't you glad you read this?

It's 9:08 and I am falling asleep at work! Must....get...caffeine.

Mmm....raw chicken.

For all that is good and holy, do not eat at the Sonic in Lindale, Texas. I had quite a horrific experience there yesterday. "Perhaps you would like to hear the tale?"

Jeremy and I were hanging out with Sara and Gus in their new house in Lindale. I had this really nasty headache-- so Sara sweetly offered to go get us some food. I told her to get me a grilled chicken sandwich. When she got back, I looked at the chicken first b/c I have had a few not so good grilled chicken sandwiches from Sonic- and sure enough it was this yucky looking shriveled up piece of chicken. I took a bite and couldn't even chew it. I was frustrated-- and Jeremy offered to take it back for me. Jeremy said "what do you want?" And I said "I don't care-- anything but grilled chicken." So, sweet little Jeremy goes back to Sonic and orders me a chicken strip wrap. I was excited about this b/c it wasn't grilled and it looked really good. I take a bite, and before chewing that bite, I looked down at my wrap--- and part of the chicken WAS STILL RAW! Oh, man. Even talking about it makes me feel sick. I spat the chicken out and then rinsed my mouth out with listerine. By this time, I was not feeling so hungry-- so I drove back to Sonic to get some RESTITUTION. I go in and say "I need to speak with the manager"-- and the girl points to this guy who is on the phone. This guy looks like the absolute last person I would want making my food. He just looked like a slob. So I recount the whole chicken nightmare to him and in a tone without the slightest hint of remorse he says to me "Oh, I'm sorry. I can get you something else. What do you want?" So I said "Um... I don't want anything. I just bought three meals from you and I had to come back twice. Isn't there anyway you can give me my money back?" He must not have realized how annoyed I was b/c he tried give me money back for just the chicken sandwich (which is only like $3 something) and then he got back on the phone with someone else. Arrrghh! So I waited for him to get off the phone-- and I was like "this is all your giving me back?! That chicken was RAW! I could have gotten really sick and you're just giving me $3.00 back?" And then he said that his manager was out of town so he couldn't do more than that, but then told me if I came back on Monday, I could talk to his manager. I was like "well, I'm from out of town." And he ends up saying the most he can do is give me some dessert! Oh man. That was the absolute worst customer service I have ever come in contact with. I would have been a lot less hacked if he had at least felt bad! But he didn't care in the least. I am going to try to call or write to Sonic's customer service-- maybe they'll give me some restitution. As for what I ended up eating for supper-- I got something from Taco Bell. Something without meat.

So that is my rant. Sorry it is so long, but then again, you didn't have to read it.