"Do you guys have Lip Medex, or some sort of lip balm?"
"Um..." looks around behind the counter, "um....." picks up a small box, opens it up, looks at it quizzically, "we have this?"

From where I was standing it looked like it could have been a Burt's Bees product, so I said "Uh, yeah, I guess that's fine." My lips were hurting very badly, and I was in no mood to be picky.
Shortly after leaving I busted out the "balm." It smells a little too much like Icy Hot...ouch.... ouch! ....OUCH!! Must get this off of my lips!!! OH, it burns!!! I quickly grab Jack's blanket, the closest thing to me, and start rubbing like mad, trying to get this mysterious stuff off my lips. I don't know if it's possible, but my lips seemed more chapped than before I used the stuff.
Well, when I got home, I was telling Jeremy this story and showed him the "balm." I was showing him because I found it very amusing that the product had a picture of a monkey holding a peach as an emblem, and the name of the product is "White Monkey Holding Peach Balm." All the writing on the box is what I can only assume is Thai, since it is manufactured by "Monkey Holding Peach Brand Co", which is in Bangkok.
When laughing with Jeremy about this, I realized there were directions folded up inside the box:

I'm an idiot.
"For the relief of minor muscular aches and pains, insect bites, and sprain.... do not apply to irritated skin..."
You win this round, White Monkey Holding Peach!!!

For once.....I am speechless.
ReplyDeleteI got nothin'.
Nada.
Zip.
Zilch.
At least it does not contain chopped up bunny.
Hopefully.
Smashed bunny guts on your lips would be a bit weird.
Although a gas station would be a likely point of distribution.
Avoid getting in eyes or on mucous membranes.
ReplyDeleteThese are the two most common places for a person to misapply balms and ointments.
I think you know what to get me for my next birthday.
Seriously.