If you don't know Jack, you don't know jack.

Well, as you may have heard, Jeremy and I are the proud parents of this kid.



His name is Jack. He is the best. EVER. (I gotta go ahead and say that he is the best baby now, before my future nieces/nephews arrive, so my brother and sister will still agree with me.) He's is perfect.

Jack's presence is bound to affect my blogging frequency, so I apologize in advance. I even failed to celebrate Hello Please's 2nd birthday, which happened to be the day before Jack's birthday. So, sorry, Hello Please. Anyhow, I'll try to forever continue to blog, but be warned that all future blogs may only consist of me posting pictures of Jack and me saying things like "Jack did the cutest thing..." I know I'm going to be one of those annoying moms who only talks about her kid all the time, but how could I not be with a kid like this. I mean, c'mon! Look at him!!

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Here comes my baby, here he comes now.

Doc: "Baby big."

Me: "How big?"

Doc: " 7 1/2 to 8 lbs."

Me: " Oh."

Doc: "Baby needs to come on out."

Me: "When?"

Doc: "Tuesday."

Me: "Oh, ok."


Monday night: inducement. Tuesday: baby.

Please, Lord, don't let my baby look like this.

This little piggy said "shnap, that hurt."

As I was walking behind Jeremy in Bed Bath & Beyond this evening, I stepped when he didn't and BAM. Little toenail to be breaking. I fear it won't be there for too much longer. I ask you, what kind of mother can I be with only 9 toenails?

I am a ticking time bomb

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...

Jeremy and Amy: Homeowners

Yes, we own a house. Today I went to buy a mailbox for our house. I also bought the little numbers that go on the mailbox. When I got to the checkout, I dropped the numbers (as I usually do these days--whatever I'm holding.) Seeing my condition (being a full-term pregnant woman), and old lady behind me actually offered to pick up the numbers. What's sad is that I was actually relieved and willing to let her pick up the numbers. An old woman! I'm supposed to be picking up HER numbers. I'm still quite happy being pregnant, but the past week I have started feeling quite useless. We've been moving into our house and I can't help move anything, bending over is a ridiculously hard task, and my feet look and feel like they are going to explode at the end of every day. I want the little guy to stay in my belly for at two more weeks so I can get his home ready, but at the same time I want to have my old, functional body back again. Ahhh. That will be nice.

On a stranger note, I saw a chicken in the wal-mart parking lot yesterday morning. You don't believe me? I took a picture b/c I thought you might not believe me.



I also saw a cat in Lowes.

"There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics that are more important than me."

Nothing says "you're a big loser" than getting your head cut out of a picture. Whoever took this picture found it very important to get Andrea's right knee and left shoe in the picture, but NOOOO, who cares about Amy's head? Not a smile, not a chin. Nothing. Just my lanky 13 year old body. Thanks a lot.

(An 11 year grudge. Nice.)

You'll have to speak up, my phone's in the toilet.

I know that it generally isn't a good idea to talk on the phone while you're in the restroom, but in my defense, I wasn't talking... I was just looking at something on my phone... while I was peeing. Not a crime. I'm sure lots of well respected people have done it before. Don't act like you haven't. (You haven't?! D'oh.) Well, I have-- and for the last time, as of yesterday (well, hopefully the last time.)

I dropped my phone into the toilet. I really wish I had photographic evidence of this for my blog, but, well, my camera phone was in the toilet. What's even more amazing than a grown adult dropping her phone in the toilet is the fact that it still works. I can barely hear it when it rings*, but it still works. You know, Samsung should really use my story as a testimonial to how durable their phones are. I have dropped that phone more times than I can count, and now it has been in the crapper, and it STILL works. Maybe Sprint could even advertise it as the "Pee CS phone." (I kill my head.)

Remember: Think twice before you ask to borrow Amy's cell phone, because you DO know where it has been.

Sorry about the grossness of this blog.

*I can now hear it completely fine when it rings.

God bless you, Yahoo.

So, Yahoo finally listened to me and changed there blasted log in page. Now it is a new face everytime. Now everytime I log into my yahoo account, it's like opening a different present.

YAHOO!!!!

This is why we can't have nice things!

I'm a klutz. I was a klutz pre-pregnancy, but now, nothing is safe.

FeverAll Suppositories:

Poor kid.

The darndest thing

Well, this morning was the first time that I have ever been able to truthfully say "there is a small person inside of my tummy-- and he's hiccuping."

Babies get hiccups inside the womb. Truly bizarre. It seems weird to me that this is possible, what, with all the fluid he's floating around in, but it is indeed true. If you don't believe me, ask my thumpin' belly.

I read something about hiccups the other day that will help all of you relax. When babies get hiccups (inside or outside of the womb), it doesn't bother them! It's not like us-- the ones taking any kind of hiccup advice we can get (stand on your head, pull your ears, wiggle your toes.) No, babies don't hate it like we do. So next time you see a baby hiccuping, follow your instinct and go "Awwwww!" (I would post a picture of a baby hiccuping, but I can't find one.)

Hiccup.

Hiccup.

Hicc..

Can't...blog...reading...

This is indeed a disturbing universe.

Hmm. Are my husand and my brother in love with each other? (Is there hand-holding going on in this picture?)

The kids can call you "HoJu"

The other day I bought this book from Target. It is very strange. There is a portion of this book called: "230 Fun lists." Some of the lists are understandable (ex. "Names that Get Shortened", "Derived from Literature", "Names Teachers Can't Pronounce" and "Names That Spawn Nasty Nicknames"), but some of these lists are just plain out there. I really wanted you guys to be included in the awesomeness that is this book, so I'm including some of the strange/hilarious lists and names. Enjoy.

(Boy, Girl, Boy or Girl)

Names for Vegetarians
Names that are SO Over (sorry, Jason)
Bad-to-the-Bone, Death Row Names: Timothy (McVeigh), Ted (Bundy)...
Nerd/Dork/Wallflower Names : Engelbert, Gomer
Patriotic Names: America, Eagle, Flag, Free, Patriot, Sailor, Salute
Names for the Handsome and Beautiful
Macho Men: Bucko, Butch, Zoom(?)
Make your Baby Popular
World's Strangest Names: Pity, Swell, Zap (ooh, Zap Butler...)
Wimpy Names: Bobo, Brownie, Fuddy
Girlie-Girl Names: Bubbles, Bunny, Cinnamon, Cookie, Princess, Sugar, Deedee ("Deedee! I told you not to touch it!!")
Famous Mob Names
Names That Make You Smile: Bitsie, Boots, Buffalo, Fluffy (hehe, Fluffy), Galaxy, Snooks, Tweetie
Future Truck Drivers: Butch, Joe-Eddy, Flo, Nerline
Future Televangelists
Future Crooked Politicians
Future Mechanics: Rusty, Chubby
Future Mortitians: Stone, Blackie, Dyer, Coffin, Morticia
Names that Make You Feel Weird: Fashion, Vixen, Bloo, Car, Sweetpea, Precious, Delete, Welcome
Scary/Creepy Names: Brick, Bruno, Butcher, Delete, Dweezil, Beatrix (Aaaauugh!!), Nunu, Swoosie
Season/Weather Names: Cloudy, Frosty, Rainbow, Equinox, Typhoon
Hyper Kids: Rambabu, Grasshopper

Small Shoulders

Jeremy and I have received about 8 outfits for the baby already, and I just realized the other day that I had nothing to hang them up with. Then I realized something: I never realized baby hangers existed. BABY HANGERS! They're just like big people hangers except... smaller. I mean, what will they think of next?

Sometimes it is really hard not to end a sentence with a preposition.

Sometimes it is easy to say "soldiers" when you mean to say "shoulders".

Sometimes it is hard not to make your blog pointless.

I think it is clear that we can expect great things from you...

I was reading "The Best of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader" the other day (nevermind where I was,) and I came across a little fact: "Most all boys will grow to be taller than their mothers.*" I never even considered that my son would be taller than me. I mean, when I imagined him being older, I would imagine another version of Jeremy. When I told Jeremy this little fact he said "yeah, i know" real nonchalant like. I was like "um, does that bother you-- that your son might be taller than you?" He said "no! That's why I married you" (insert slanted smiley face here.)

*And yes, I know that this stat doesn't really mean anything to me since "most" husbands are taller than their wives.

Latricia's not here, man.

I received the following phone call the other day:

Telemarketer: "Hi, is Latricia there?"
Me: "This is no longer Latricia's phone number."
Telemarketer: "Can I leave her a message?"
Me: "This is not Latricia's number. I don't even know a Latricia."
Telemarketer: "OK, I'll call back later (hangs up)."
Me: "Latricia doesn't live here!! (I look at the phone wondering what has just happened.)

Thanks for listening, man.

The Butler Name Will Live On...

It is SO a boy!

"Now, let's see if we can't figure out what you are, my little friend"

Today is the big day. We shall find out more specifically what our little Jelly Bean is. We're hoping for a masculine outcome, but if it is a girl, I'll be happy too because- hey, there go all possibilities of naming her Rutler.

Note: That is absolutely the first time I've ever quoted Star Wars (except maybe for a few cleverly annoying JarJar references.) Don't blame Jeremy: blame the Star Wars Kid.